How to Do It: I love my husband, but I haven’t wanted sex with him for years

Dear How to Do It: I haven't wanted to have sex with my husband for years .

He's more vanilla than I am and he shuts down if I ask him about his fantasies.

He says this is my issue, that I need to do what it takes to “fix it” and that I probably wouldn’t like what the therapist had to say about me.

Three years ago , I left a long and sexless, but otherwise relatively good, marriage.

I know what I want (a healthy, monogamous, long-term relationship with a lot of touching and sex) But I’m having a really hard time finding it, primarily because I am no longer attracted to almost anyone.

Dear How to Do It: Have you noticed what words your wife uses for her parts? If so, why not ask her what she’s most comfortable with? If I use slang, it sounds objectifying and chauvinistic.

If that relationship is going nowhere, consider pausing it to pursue other men.